I used to be the one encouraging people to steer clear from substances. I used to be the “good influence” who helped get and keep people clean. Now I am the monster that corrupts them. The one who buys two tabs so I don’t have to fry alone. Who encourages sober friends to experiment and purchase molly on top of the acid so their one and only time on LSD can be enhanced.
I’m ashamed to look in the mirror and watch the dark circles under my eyes grow darker and deeper as I slowly kill myself.
No wonder so many people had left me. Their friend has become a stranger who doesn’t even know herself. My life is a contradiction of my own beliefs-hypocrisy flows through my veins in place of blood and a mask of ignorant, fabricated happiness masks the growing shame on my face.
What have I become?
What am I really?
Maybe I’m too afraid to find out.